Your face is a jimmy john
Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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