I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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