There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
