So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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