well you can't waste a boner
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
PANTIES FOUND
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