Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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