Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
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