I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
