I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
my phone needs a breathalizer
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
So many bounce houses so little time
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Randomize
