By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
This is classic penis vs brain.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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