I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
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I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
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Can I color on your dick again?
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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