yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
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I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
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i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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