Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
