loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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