Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
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