just come out here and I will go home with you...
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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