Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
you had me at cake vodka
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
