Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
