..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
