D3 body, D1 cock
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
