The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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