I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
