i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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