i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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