I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
