"it" just moved
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
