by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Randomize
