Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
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