is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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