what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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