what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Ladies don't puke and tell
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
