i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
