i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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