oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
