according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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