Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
