Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize