Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Screwed.edu
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
