there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
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