When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
The struggles of a small town man whore
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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