was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
