Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
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