i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
