I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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