When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
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