Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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