What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Farmville is her only friend.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
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