the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
