Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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