I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
