I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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