We won't sleep together?
if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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