You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
