I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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