Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
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