I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
