We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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