Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
