your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
