Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Randomize
