I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
