Porn is love you can see.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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