Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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