I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Dignity is for republicans.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
