Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
