dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
