Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
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