I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
We just shotgunned beers for America
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
