Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
