Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I need a beard to bite.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Randomize
