Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(310): View more from California

that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something

(818): View more from California

its my fault though, i'm wearing tights

(310): View more from California

you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap

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(310): that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something (818): its my fault though, i'm wearing tights (310): you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap http://tfl.nu/15rb

Replies (22) Good night (3651) Bad night (971)
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(202): View more from Washington, DC

She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week

(1-202): View more from Washington, DC

stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant

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(202): She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week (1-202): stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant http://tfl.nu/5f4w

Replies (63) Good night (3835) Bad night (1431)
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(443): View more from Maryland

Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.

(1-443): View more from Maryland

Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.

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(443): Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain. (1-443): Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one. http://tfl.nu/00ky

Replies (38) Good night (3975) Bad night (1611)
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(206): View more from Washington

i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.

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(206): i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual. http://tfl.nu/myfw

Replies (23) Good night (5875) Bad night (1971)
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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday

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(610): Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday http://tfl.nu/c2dx

Replies (12) Good night (4806) Bad night (1047)
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(518): View more from New York

I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.

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(518): I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday. http://tfl.nu/tx0i

Replies (16) Good night (6393) Bad night (1206)
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(817): View more from Texas

besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer

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(817): besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer http://tfl.nu/fbgv

Replies (7) Good night (2079) Bad night (1026)
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(603): View more from New Hampshire

I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.

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(603): I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife. http://tfl.nu/98pl

Replies (11) Good night (1235) Bad night (2629)
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(603): View more from New Hampshire

to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.

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(603): to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald. http://tfl.nu/pb1j

Replies (4) Good night (2368) Bad night (820)
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(712): View more from Iowa

Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.

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(712): Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled. http://tfl.nu/c6e6

Replies (5) Good night (1649) Bad night (622)
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(416): View more from Toronto

I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.

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(416): I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting. http://tfl.nu/0atv

Replies (10) Good night (618) Bad night (1170)
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(480): View more from Arizona

I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.

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(480): I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole. http://tfl.nu/g5bi

Replies (7) Good night (464) Bad night (1450)
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(805): View more from California

All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...

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(805): All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend... http://tfl.nu/o1px

Replies (4) Good night (432) Bad night (788)
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(540): View more from Virginia

The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.

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(540): The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it. http://tfl.nu/w84l

Replies (0) Good night (504) Bad night (998)
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(606): View more from Kentucky

Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?

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(606): Did you put candle wax on my balls last night? http://tfl.nu/epi2

Replies (1) Good night (367) Bad night (355)

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