Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Randomize
