I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
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