So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
