FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
These 23 People Had Coworkers From Hell
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future