I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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