he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
